From Salvation to Satan in 3 Easy Steps ... Explained

Step 1: Find Jesus, though I did not realize that he was lost, and find him in a BIG, BIG WAY and then ...

Step 2: Find the biggest concentration of uneducated/undereducated, narrow minded, hypocritical, judgmental self proclaimed Christians in one place. Put on a "Really Big Show" with a lot of shills. Fire up all these wonderful folks into a state of a. grace b. mass hysteria c. group hypnosis d. all 3 and then ...

Step 3: Pass the buckets, con the gullible, gain the power and lose Jesus again ... but don't tell anyone about misplacing Jesus again.

Well there should be more than 3 steps but for the sake of brevity I took the liberty of condensing them all.

Well let's add a step 4 ...

Step 4: Build a monument to yourself ... I mean a church (claim it's for Jesus)... start off small. Say 1,000 seats and then shoot for the 25,000 seat venues all the while ignoring the fact that Jesus said "For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” Matthew 18:19-21 or as I was privy to hear once "When they see this church they will know that Jesus is here." Oh folks ... hello ... Jesus is Jewish. Where would he most likely go for a service if he were here in the flesh. Maybe the local synagogue. This reminds me of the the antisemitic white supremacists. They hate the Jews but they say they act in the name of Jesus who is ... all together now ... a Jew.

And then watch the money roll in so you can pay for TD Jakes' $1,000 suits.

Joel Osteen's $200 haircuts. Who by the way has made a fortune selling the appalling only-in-America idea that terrestrial greed is actually a form of Christian devotion.

Paula White's Mercedes-Benz, private jet, $2.1-million mansion on Tampa's Bayshore Boulevard and her Fifth Avenue condo in Trump Tower in New York City. Oh and for TD Jakes' 50th birthday White sent Jakes a $150,000 black convertible Bentley (shhh it was supposed to be a secret ... but when 2 people know ... it is no longer a secret).

or how about

Kenneth and Gloria Copeland's new $20 million jet. They pledged that the aircraft would be used for the purpose of serving their ministry only.

These are just a smattering of the big fish. What about the small fry. The ones that always remind you about the "tithe" ... so 10% off of the top of your bank account isn't enough. They do not stop there ... oh no. They try to tell you that Paul was "implying" above and beyond the 10% when he said " So let each give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver." 2 Corinthans 9:7. I wish I had the ability to know Paul's thoughts.

But as Emeril would say "let's kick it up another notch". Since their church can not live on the 10% plus they add the extra collections (and they condemn the Catholics when they do it) to pay bills that could not be covered by the previous months collections. And then they ask for ... well there is not enough room for the "And then they ask for ... .

And does anyone ever question the finances. Of course not. You can always trust a church where the pastor's wife or brother or daughter or closeted gay lover takes care of the books. You would never find expenditures that shouldn't have taken place such as keeping your son, or son-in-law, or daughter, or (insert name or title here) from having a few extra dollars in their pockets. Or from preventing the closeted gay lover, occasional prostitute or local drug dealer from sullying your good name. Why would someone question the finances.

They wouldn't question because:

1. They can't count

2. They are intimidated

3. They want to purchase themselves a better place in the heaven line ... like when the Catholic Church used to sell indulgences.

4. They think that it works like the world famous Nigerian Scam ... you no the one ... send us $50,000 and we will send you $2,000,000

or

5. They can't count ... oops I am repeating myself here ... my apologies

Or as I heard someone say once about a non-church employee earning their living from a church "Do you expect them to get a real job". Duh ... yes ... just like the rest of the world.

As Dennis Miller woulds say " "...of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.".

There I go again ... blah, blah, blah

Next up but in no particular order: More fallen Christians, The Gay Marriage Debate and the Mayflower Compact, The Catholic Church, Even more fallen Christians, Men with feminine names, Since science has classified only 2,ooo,ooo of the approximately 5,000,000 species The Topic Will Be: That was one big frigging Ark, Again ... More fallen Christians, Besides all the begetting what else did they do between Genesis And Exodus and wouldn't most of it be considered incest, Christian men who have Literally Let Their Wives cut their gonads off, Christian parents who refuse to admit that their children are idiots (and will always be idiots), Why Christians fear education and why education fears Christians, The advantages and disadvantages of marrying a Virgin plus Much Much More ... So Stay Tuned ...

When they fall they sure do it well ....

This blog is proudly sponsored by The First Amendment to the United States Constitution which states that "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

That said here is a little introduction from Emerson, Lake and Palmer's Karn Evil 9 First Impression: "Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends. Were so glad you could attend. Come inside! come inside!... There behind a glass is a real blade of grass. Move along! move along!... Come inside, the shows about to start. Guaranteed to blow your head apart. Rest assured you'll get your moneys worth. The greatest show in heaven, hell or earth. You've got to see the show, its a dynamo. You've got to see the show, its ..." The Oh How The Mighty "pastors" Have Fallen Show. And yes I intentionally left a small "p" on "pastors".

We will start off with ... Todd Bentley ... You remember him. He's the tattooed Canadian evangelist, whose extreme faith healing methods included hitting and knocking down ailing supplicants (kind of like Emeril with his food... BAM), He is perhaps best known for his participation in the Christian-rock driven Lakeland Revival movement, which attracted tens of thousands of worshipers. The charismatic preacher served on the board of directors of the Fresh Fire Ministry group (and apparently "on top off female members of his staff as well") and traveled around the world to spread his message (and their legs).

In August 2008, however, Bentley announced that he would be separating from his wife Shonnah, a revelation that shocked many of his ardent followers. Shortly afterward, Fresh Fire Ministries announced that Bentley would be stepping down from his leadership position and would obtain counseling (maybe with Ted Haggard's therapist - wonder if Ted ever tried a threesome) after it was discovered that Bentley was having a relationship with a staff member (or was it his "member" was having a relationship with a staff person. Or the staff person was having a relationship with Bentley's "staff". (This is to easy ... it's like shooting loaves and fishes in a barrel)

In future posts we will explore other luminaries such as Ted Haggard, TD Jakes (and his now famous son who entertained two undercover police officers with his own "member"), Paula White and so many, many more ... including,but not limited to, folks from my own community in which case the names will be changed to protect the guity ... as Jakie Gleason so poignantly said ... and awayyy we go .....